Bear Seeks Beer

Okay apropos of nothing, here’s a request to the peanut gallery:
Has anybody ever found a non-alcoholic beer that doesn’t taste like piss?
I enjoy good beer. I’d rather drink it than soda any evening. But often I have no interest in getting even a slight buzz; I just want a drink that tastes pleasant.
I’ve tried Kaliber, and St. Pauli Girl NA, and they suck, so don’t even bother suggesting them.
Am I chasing a nonexistent ideal here? Suggestions are highly desired…