They Coulda Been Contenders: Results!

Bet y’all thought I forgot my promise to do a roundup of entries to the Not-Quite New Weblog Showcase pseudocontest, didn’t you?
Fear not: here it is.
To cut to the chase: I simply had to give the ultimate victory to Glenn at Hi. I’m Black!.
Here’s a few exerpts from his post, self-described as “heavily laced with sarcasm” (you have been warned):
It is clearly evident to me that NZ Bear’s refusal to allow me to re-enter the New Weblog Showcase is a vast right-wing conspiracy designed to discredit the American Negro.
Please observe my timeline:
1767-Kunta Kinte is brought to the New World aboard the slave ship Lord Ligonier. ..
1990-Vanilla Ice’s debut album, “To the Extreme” sells 13 million copies..
2003-Given erroneous information, Glenn from Hi. I’m Black!, enters the New Weblog Showcase 2 days before the end of the weekly contest…

As we say in the biz, read the whole thing. A link to Glenn’s post now sits atop the Ecosystem listings — below the regular Showcase weekly winner, but above that other Glenn.
But the rest of the field bears mention as well. I have a feeling I may be missing some entries here — if you didn’t add a comment to the contest post, then I haven’t added your entry here. If I missed you, drop me a line and I’ll add your post to the heap.
The Dog of Flanders observes “that’s one sarcastic bear” — well, duh — and continues:
To NZ Bear: Dude, if you meant to say “stop whining and suck it up, dudes” just say it and don’t waste seven paragraphs. Seriously man, you must have too much spare time.
You’re telling a blogger to be brief? C’mon, I’m not hitting DenBeste / Bill Whittle levels here. And oh, yeah: stop whining and suck it up.
alter: Hey, self, we’re not going to win the contest with the above post. Maybe we should do a bit more grovelling.
self: Yeah, right, just so we can end up in the “special box on the Ecosystem page”, somewhere “prominent”. I can just imagine it: protoplasm of the week, or pond scum. I don’t trust that bear.

Nor should you! And by the way, you’re talking to yourself. [I think he knows that — Ed. Quiet you. ]
Kelley at Suburban Blight pleads blondeness — always a good defense:
I WAS ROBBED! Yes, heartlessly and cruelly. I mean, here I am, a Tard Queen and a blonde to boot, and I have SCRAPED UP the native intelligence to be able to communicate with you here, on the web…an Achievement! You! Should! Recognize!
Er…okay.
Graham Lester doesn’t just whine — he whines in verse :
There once was a fellow named Bear
Whose Showcase seemed rather unfair
Not full of baloney
But more Macaroni
Than looked like a rational share
It made no allowance at all
For people whose talents were small
Who thus got no links
Disastrous, methinks
My self-esteem started to fall…

Dan Morris, on the other hand, seems to center his rant around, well, a frog:
This is not intended as a macabre example of how truly twisted people can be. You may end up thinking I