Memo to Senator Kerry

To: John Kerry
From: N.Z. Bear
Re: Recommended plan for the morning

1. Tell Edwards to go fetch you some coffee. Suggested phrasing: “Since you couldn’t deliver any damned electoral votes, at least you can bring me my f****ng Starbucks.”
2. Enjoy leisurely breakfast with Teresa. Take her to Denny’s. Everybody loves Denny’s. And she enjoys a “morning with the commoners” every now and again.
3. Take a good hard look at the supposed battleground that is Ohio. You’re by 136,221. According to the Secretary of State, there are only 135,149 provisional ballots as of this morning. How does that math look to you? Even if the provisional list is incomplete and more come in, what do you think the chances of successfully chery-picking challenges to make up your gap? Go ask John E, he’s a lawyer. We’ll wait.
4. Have you noticed you lost Iowa, too?
5. Remember that little scandal in 2000 about the popular vote? Stare at these numbers for a few minutes and think about how much fun you’ll have with all your challenges given this as a backdrop:

Bush 58,241,287 51%
Kerry 54,691,010 48%

That’s a 3.5 million vote gap, friend. Do you really want to be a “selected-not-elected” President who sues himself to power — assuming for a second you’d win if you tried, which you won’t.
6. Take a deep breath. Give Teresa a kiss.
7. Call President Bush and do the right thing.

Around the ‘sphere:
Let’s mix things up a bit and start with the left side. First, DailyKos on Ohio: “I think even successful challenges are unlikely to change the ultimate outcome, which is not to say I don